MYTHS ABOUT MEDIATION
MYTH: If my spouse and I aren't talking
to each other, mediation won't work.
REALITY: Some couples mistakenly
believe that mediation won't work for them because the emotional
discord between them negatively impacts their ability to communicate
effectively. We recognize that many couples are unable to communicate
on their own. Mediation provides the opportunity to successfully
resolve family issues in ways that the couple has not done before.
By guiding and facilitating dialogue, gathering information and
clarifying issues, our mediation team guides the couple throughout
the entire process, allowing the couple to determine their own best
interests after becoming informed about all the available options.
MYTH: If I go to court and the judge hears
my story, I'll get a better result than if I mediate.
REALITY: It's natural for each
person to feel that he or she has been wronged and that a judge
will "make it right." Some people believe that a trial
will allow them "to be heard" and that a judge's final
orders will be fair and complete. However, judges are only human.
It is unrealistic to expect that a judge who is not familiar with
your family will be able to dispense perfect justice in a detailed
manner that meets your family's needs. The court system is often
not the best venue to resolve personal disputes. Many people are
dismayed upon learning of the judge's decision because they feel
that the orders fall short of addressing the real needs of the parties
and their children. Even under the best of circumstances, when litigation
results are found to be reasonable by both parties, they have paid
a heavy price, both financially and emotionally.
In reality, most litigants do not experience the
"fairness" that you expect. If one party feels victorious,
the other party inevitably feels humiliated and beaten. Deciding
to resolve your divorce through litigation is a gamble. You and
your attorney have no way to predict the results. If your attorney
is willing to guarantee specific results, insist on nothing less
than a written guarantee prior to embarking on the course of litigation.
MYTH: If I use a divorce mediator, I won't
be able to use a divorce lawyer.
REALITY: As part of the mediation
process, we require couples to meet separately with their respective
attorneys at least once to review their legal rights and obligations
and to review their agreement before it becomes a final court order.
We encourage the couple to consult with their attorneys whenever
they feel a need to do so. We believe that informed parties make
better agreements, and those agreements ultimately endure the test
of time, minimizing the likelihood of future disputes.
MYTH: If I mediate my divorce, my spouse
will "get away with" not disclosing financial information
to which I am entitled.
REALITY: Prior to beginning the
mediation process, the couple signs a "Mediation Agreement"
under which the parties are bound to provide full disclosure of
all assets, debts, income and expenses. Each party provides the
other with copies of all relevant financial documents. In addition,
prior to finalizing your divorce agreement, each party must provide
a sworn financial affidavit of his and her income, assets and liabilities.
This document - the financial affidavit - is a key document and
one that must be filed with the court when your divorce is finalized,
regardless of how your divorce is achieved – through mediation
or a litigated divorce.
In some cases, complete financial disclosure may
require assistance from outside experts who are chosen by the parties,
such as accountants, appraisers, and actuaries. For example, some
assets, such as real estate or business interests, may require an
appraisal by a certified appraiser chosen by the parties. A certified
public accountant's services may also be needed to obtain information
about the parties' assets and the effect on each party of the proposed
asset distribution and spousal and child support. These experts
will be retained only with your approval. If you decide that you
need the assistance of any outside expert, only one from each field
(CPA, appraiser, actuary, etc.) is chosen. In contrast, in a litigated
divorce, each party retains the services of an outside
expert, thereby doubling the cost for experts. These two experts
testify before the judge, who then decides which expert opinion
to accept.
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